Malfoy Manor's Complementary Map - Death Eater's Limited Edition
by mallowprint
Summary: Death Eaters have been complaining about always losing their way in Malfoy Manor, because the Malfoy's are too rich for their own good. Voldemort decides to assist them by making complementary maps. One-shot.


p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Malfoy Manor's Complementary Map - Death Eater's Limited Edition/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"I do not, in any way, own the Harry Potter series, and all the characters belong to J.K. Rowling./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Summary: Death Eaters have been complaining about always losing their way in Malfoy Manor, because the Malfoy's are too rich for their own good. Voldemort decides to assist them by making complementary maps. One-shot./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Warnings:/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Voldemort is not exactly strictly canon... and neither is Snape.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"And also, a special warning to my capitalism at the beginning of sentences at times: I'm blaming Jane Eyre. The novel. The grammar is starting to affect me./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"A/N:/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"No deep meaningful plot, I'm just having some fun playing with the idea of Voldemort making complementary maps./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"This was written at three in the morning, so I rightfully blame insomnia for the grammar mistakes (bar the one in the warnings above, I take responsibility for those)./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"So, without further ado, I hope you like it!/span/p  
div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"hr align="center" noshade="noshade" size="1" width="100%" /div  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""My Lord," Snape bowed as he opened Voldemort's office. "I have some important news to inform you of: Dumbledore -"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Severus!" The Dark Lord snapped, "can you not see I am doing something of great importance and cannot, by any means, be disturbed?" He had his head bent over his desk (which was a mess of papers and different coloured ink bottles, along with a few muggle rulers), apparently greatly immersed in... drawing?/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""M-My Lord..." Snape stuttered, "Why... Why, exactly, do you appear to be..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Sketching a map of Malfoy Manor? Lowering myself to doing plebeian, seemingly meaningless tasks when, as The Resident Dark Lord - commonly known as Voldemort, known by auto-correct as Boldemort or The Duck Lord, dubbed The Dork Lord by certain dunderheads, often called by stumbling drunks as The Mass Murdering Fuck Head, belittled as Tommy Boy by the old coot and sluggy (because only I am worthy of Capitalisation), and finally, referred to as Two Minute Ramen because of my initials by a certain fearless scar-head." The Resident Dark Lord gulped for air after his grandiose speech./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Snape gapped, his mouth opening and closing. "My Lord... forgive me for comparing you to a mudblood, but… that breathless speech proves that someone in this galaxy actually has a greater lung capacity that Granger! this is phenomenal! Oh, My Lord, you must show it off to her one day! she'll be so lost for words, she could very well die from shock! Oh, My Lord -!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Snape's string of praises was cut off as he was unceremoniously pushed out of the room and had the door slammed in his face. All by The Resident Darkest Lord's wandless magic, of course: it never hurt to show off... a lot./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"This was why Snape didn't stay on either side. Dumbledore was too manipulative, had far too many masks, and frankly? He had no idea just how annoying his continuous offers of lemon drops were./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Voldemort, however, was actually quite truthful in his ways. He did what he said he would, and when he made promises, he kept them. He was actually an alright person if you get past the extreme homicidal maniac-ness and realised he was actually a sociopath rather than a psychopath./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"In no way, however, would he ever recommend him as a boyfriend to any possible future children he might have when hooking up with Lily-lookalikes. Not that he would stay around for the children - unless... yeah, no. Who was he kidding? He was a greasy low-life, universally disliked Potions Master, Professor and Death Eater. Three dislikeable qualities rolled into one, and add the pasty complexion and the fact shampoo and his mane didn't get along? Snape was certain he was on the Top Fifty Most Infamous Wizards on the back of every week's Witch's Weekly magazine. Hell, he was probably on the Top Ten, taking up the second place. I mean, he certainly wasn't vain enough to think he would actually be first, no. That spot was probably reserved for Fenrir, or his Lord. Who knows?/span/p  
div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"hr align="center" noshade="noshade" size="1" width="100%" /div  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Voldemort stared at the door where Snape left. He could hear his thoughts today - he must have been in extremely deep thought to have let his guard down. It was slightly disturbing what he classified as 'deep thoughts' but The Resident Dark Lord had maps to sketch and replicate, so he didn't dwell on it long. He already knew that Snape wasn't completely trustworthy, though today revealed he was leaning closer to the Dark then he thought he was./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"'Well,' he mused, 'I suppose you can only wear so much black till it starts to grow on you.' Of course, he didn't mean this literally, though - robes that grew on you weren't as trendy as they were two centuries ago, and no one mentioned them anymore. 'Thank god for small miracles,' he thought. 'If those Weasley Twins ever caught drift of growing robes...' he shivered in apprehension./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Voldemort let out an ear piercing scream, laced with residual sadism and frustration. This was why he didn't like being disturbed. It always disrupted his previously perfectly orientated mind and made a right mess of it./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Now... where was he.../span/p  
div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"hr align="center" noshade="noshade" size="1" width="100%" /div  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"Five hours later (the house was huge, goddammit) found all the Death Eaters (who were important enough to regularly visit Malfoy Manor) and the Malfoy's (because why not miss out on receiving a map of your own home made by a dark lord? It's an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!) all standing orderly in front of The Residential Dark Lord's grand throne./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""My Lord," they all intoned (Malfoy Jr. too, because honestly, it ran in the family: Death-Eaterism. He was going to be initiated regardless of the situations, so why not start now?)./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""My friends!" The Resident Dark Lord grinned a shit-eating grin at them all. "I HAVE SOLVED ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS, WITH THIS 'Malfoy Manor's Complementary Map - Death Eater's Limited Edition', LIMITED EDITION FOR OBVIOUS REASONS."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Why's 't limit'd 'dition...?" Crabbe groaned./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Because," The Resident Dark Lord hissed, "receiving a personally made map by a dark lord is a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Y' sounds like salesmans," Goyle mumbled. Out of the two of them, he was the one who was slightly less touched in the head. (Some say Crabbe Sr's mother gave birth to a pig alongside Crabbe... And no, they don't mean Crabbe. The rumour is actually that Crabbe has a pig-twin.)/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"At this exact moment, Wormtail scuttled into the room: the exact moment The Resident Dark Lord -/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Crucio!" His shoulders visibly relaxed after casting the curse. The lumbering air-heads really got on his nerves. He blamed them for his always losing his temper and throwing around reckless Unforgivables. Honestly, the world would be a much calmer place to live in without them (well, okay, probably just Malfoy Manor, but the world revolves around The Dark Lord in said Dark Lord's brain)/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""So… As I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted," he glared his the-dark-lord-is-extremely-pissed-at-you glare not-so-subtly at Crabbe and Goyle, "Each and every one of these maps are hand-made from me," 'hell, what they don't know won't hurt…' he thought, "so take care of them. You know what will happen if I catch wind of any damage done to my masterpieces - GOYLE, NO, I DO NOT SOUND LIKE MADAME PINCE RIGHT NOW!" he suddenly roared./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Anyhow... of course, I have charmed the maps to only reveal their contents to loyal death-eaters, and myself./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Oh, and yes, Bella, I suppose exceptions may be negotiated should you return from Azkaban and have been traumatised too much to remember anything. That is possibly the ONLY exception. Now scatter! You have better things to do I am sure. Snape, Fenrir, I require your presence, stay behind."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"The Death Eaters twirled and apparated out (the wards were charmed to only allow those with the already keyed in auras (Death Eaters', Malfoy's, Dark Lord's and whatnot) to enter, of course)./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; line-height: normal;"span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;""Now, Severus," The Mass Murdering Fuck Head murmured, "what were you saying about me possibly being runners-up to Fenrir on the Top Ten Most Infamous Wizards list...?/span/p 


End file.
